Sink or Swim....

This summer has just been flying by and we've been doing our best to catch up with everything that needs done.  This summer has had it's up's and downs for me.  At the beginning of the summer, I thought I'd be much further in my barrel racing than I am at this point.  I've been struggling with my confidence and balance like never before.  My husband commented after a barrel race earlier this summer that it looked like I just had no confidence anymore and it was shot.  He is definitely right!  I certainly thought that coming back after baby number 2 that I'd have a much easier time getting back in the groove, after all I've done this before right? Not....

I've set myself up for failure in many ways.  With hauling a stud and trying to prove him, I feel like I'm always under the microscope and any false move or bad run, people will look down on my horse. There is nothing worse than to have people talk ill about your stallion and the program that you've spent most of your life on.  However, the other day as I was riding Elvis I was thinking, no one else knows the details of our journey.  No one else has ridden this horse to feel what he has, and no one else knows how little confidence I really have left.  Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what other people think or say at this point.  It's all a matter of going out there and doing what's best for my horse, myself, and my family.

Also while on this ride (I think the most clearly when I'm in the saddle), I started thinking of something that I have really struggled with about trainer vs competitor mode.  I am a perfectionist so I always feel like I'm in "trainer" mode.  However, if you always looking for perfection and never step out of your comfort zone, you can never really achieve that next level.  With this, it hit me...You can't ride a horse like a 4D rider and expect to come out in the 1D.  You have to be able to ride that horse with all you have, whether it be hustling or just setting there on a free runner. Ride that horse to the best of YOUR ability but most of all, you have to go into that arena, BELIEVING you're on a 1D horse.

For me, riding aggressive has been a down fall.  I like my horses to go out there and just do their job, but sometimes, especially on these ratey/turny horses I've been riding lately,  I'm seeing how badly I need to adjust my riding style to being aggressive and ride up all the way into the pocket. For those of you that personally know me, you more than likely know about a little sorrel mare named Vandy.  Vandy is one of my barrel horses that was on maternity leave like me this past year and finally I've weaned her colt and am getting her back into shape.  She is the perfect example of having to ride aggressive.  Either your ride aggressive or you'll knock a barrel or she'll flat out leave you in the dirt as she spins around a barrel.  She's quick, powerful and unlike Elvis, she has no mercy.  She has no problem leaving me high and dry where as Elvis has taken better care of me this year than he should for his young age.

I'm hoping that with getting back to running Vandy in the next couple of weeks that that absolute "need" to ride aggressive will in turn cross over to Elvis who desperately needs me to be aggressive and have more confidence.  I don't really have any answers on how to get out of trainer mode and onto competitor mode, but I'm sure hoping that Vandy gives me a good jump start into figuring it out!

It's time to sink or swim....